I’ve been pouring my heart and soul out to finish my rental property and I’ve neglected so much in my personal life that I feel compelled to take care of those things.  Unfortunately I can’t because my rental still isn’t rented.  On top of that, I’ve been plagued by hiring all sorts of people to help who only delivered meager results.  I finally had someone call me about being a tenant.  After cycling through 2 different companies for a background check, it was finally done and only had 1 little blip.  The renter told me it was coming so I didn’t care much (I like to think honesty still counts for something).  I knew I had more research to do, but I was tired and exclaimed, “good enough!”

Mentor to the Rescue

I told someone (who I look up to) that I’m going to finally have my place rented.  He started asking questions about my future tenant and some of my answers were sketchy.  He didn’t ask questions about things I didn’t know or things I hadn’t thought about.  They were just things that I dismissed because I was too tired to care.  Besides, the report from the background check only mentioned one bad personal check.  There were no evictions which is what I was concerned about.  I also never spoke with the renter’s current landlord because I was given a wrong number.  But again, I didn’t really have the energy to go get the right number.  I was in a hurry to get my “all-done” stamp.

After about 5 minutes of urging from my mentor and 5 minutes of resisting his strong encouragement, I decided to just do a little search of my own.  I was shocked.  In just a few minutes of searching on our county clerk’s website I found 2 different evictions in 2007 alone! There were 56 cases spread between 1986 and 2009.  The cases from the 80s and 90s involved a lot of things like poor driving, assault, battery, and theft.  From 2001 and on the crimes involved a lot of bad check writing and evictions.  For about 10 minutes of effort and $0, I saved myself 35 days and $600 for an eviction process.

If I let this person move into my house, I probably would have been ok.  In a few months I’d probably have a lot more energy and doing an eviction would barely break my stride.  But that logic is about as smart as buying a house with an adjustable rate mortgage.  I might have more energy just like the people with an ARM might have more money.  As another mentor has told me, “Taking a chance because it has a possibility of success is dumb.  Taking a chance because you know it’ll succeed, now that’s smart.”

Mentors and Friends are Different

Robert Kiyosaki describes a friend as someone who is there to empathize with you when you’re sad or celebrate when you’re happy.  He says a mentor is different because a mentor will tell you the truth even when that’s not what you want to hear.  Friends are there to help you feel good about yourself, mentors help you grow.

Friends also tend to be in your peer group.  They have different talents and experiences but they’re generally similar to you.  Mentors typically have already reached the place you’re looking for.  They’re invaluable because 6 months of hard learning can be taught in 1 quick conversation.

Want someone who will tell you your butt looks good in those jeans?  Find a friend.  Want someone who will push you to become what you want and make sure you stay on the shortest possible path towards that goal?  Find a mentor.  I recommend you have both.

Mentors are Tricky

Good friends are hard to find, good mentors are even harder.  Friends hang out with you because you’re cool, funny, or kind.  They call you to do stuff and you call them to do stuff.  Everyone wins.  The mentor/mentee relationship is a little different.  The mentee gets great advice, direction, and help achieving a goal.  The mentor gets to feel good for helping someone.  It’s not that helping someone isn’t an amazing benefit, it’s just hard to find people who appreciate it.  If you have a generally unpleasant personality or take advantage of the mentor’s time, then you’re likely not to have your mentor for long.  Think of a mentor like you do your job; it’s a gift!

To make things even worse, there are a lot of successful people out there who just aren’t cut out to be a mentor.  If they’re afraid to deliver some hard words when you’re already feeling down then they’re really just a wise friend.  Or sometimes they’re successful by chance and don’t really know what it would take to get there again.  It’s a tough road but if you find a person who is interested, willing and able to help you succeed, you will be one step closer towards infinite happiness.

“Well he is rich; he should have nothing to complain about.”

That is one of my least favorite things to hear. Most of us aren’t rich so a large portion of our problems stem from a lack of funds. Your car is dying, your clothes are getting holes, or you don’t have all of the best equipment for your hobby.  These problems are easily fixed by being rich.  The rich don’t worry about a broken car or crappy clothes.  If they want to participate in a sport, you know they’ll buy the best equipment if they feel inclined.  So why wouldn’t they be happy?  They have access to everything that is keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest.  Right?

Rich People Have Problems Too

Haven’t you ever heard, “money doesn’t buy happiness”?  My reply when I was younger always was, “well you give me a million dollars and we’ll see if I get happier or not!”  Unfortunately I missed the whole point.  Money can fix the problems that make you unhappy today, but there will be all new sorts of unhappiness too.

I’m certainly not rich today and I won’t be tomorrow, but I’ll still use myself as a case study as to not offend anyone else.  Today I’m more “wealthy” than I ever have been.  I own 2 houses, have an amazing job, a beautiful fiancee, can pay all of my bills, and I drive a great looking car.  So what is there for me to complain about?  Right now the thing that bothers me most is a lack of a partner.  I have a tremendous amount of energy and ambition but I don’t really have someone to run along side me.  If I’m in a slump, there is no one to take the baton while I rejuvenate.  There is no one who will share my pain if I fail and no one to feel my pride of success.  I’m certain there are plenty of people around me who will empathize or celebrate with me, but no one has an equitable amount of skin in the game.  The funny thing is, now that I have achieved what little I have, I’d give it all up for a best buddy.

Money isn’t the Only Problem

It is common for us to single out money problems as our major problems.  If we had more money then all of our major problems would be solved and we can be happy.  Why is “money” always singled out?  As I’m typing this, I’m thinking about how terrible my hair looks;  I’m 2 weeks past-due for a haircut.  That’s caused by a lack of time, not money.  All sorts of people get extremely ill.  I have a buddy with mono, my mom recently beat cancer, and my grandmother has Wegner’s.  I can assure you that they consider these a problem and have no relationship with affluence.

Problems are Hidden

The thing we have to remember is that we don’t know all the problems of those around us.  I’m certain there are people who don’t know about all the problems in your life.  Since we can’t see inside to know what is pulling others down, it’s easy for us to look at them and say, “well he doesn’t seem as unhappy as I feel, so he must be happy.”

I certainly don’t want to promote getting joy out of someone else’s misery, but I think I will.  You’re sad or have things in your life that take away from your joy.  You look around and see all sorts of people who don’t have your problem and they seem to be very happy.  Now you get more sad because everyone else is having fun but you can’t.  Take a step back and think about these people.  They have all sorts of things pulling them down and you just don’t know it.  You can really feel much better when you can realize that there are all sorts of people with all sorts of problems that you don’t have.  Being able to focus on the positive and be happy that you don’t have your current problems along with the problems of your friends will bring you one step closer to infinite happiness.

When I was about to graduate from college, one of the counselors at the university’s Career Resource Center told me something that seemed pretty dumb at the time. While being interviewed, I was also supposed to interview the company.  Silly me only worried about two things:

1. Will you pay me excessive amounts of money?
2. When can I expect to get raises?

Starting my latest job I asked a few questions about career paths but the question that was most important to me was, “Can I have lunch with you and the team sometime this week?”  I’d be lying if I said money isn’t important, but my real priorities have changed.  I wanted to be on a team that was strong and had success oozing from their pores.  In Breaking the Rules,  Kurt Wright describes a team full of “effortless high achievers” and that was what I was craving.

Effort-Filled Minimal Achieving Teams

Leaving college I had 2 internships with the top company in the healthcare IT arena and a year of management experience.  I was starting a job with one of the other big players in healthcare IT and was ready to take on the world.  The team showed up by 8:45, so I was there at 7:45.  Some started leaving at 5, so I left at 5:30.  Shorts and t-shirts were acceptable so I wore slacks and a dress shirt.  I was going to work as hard as I could and demonstrate that I was so much more than just another “code monkey”.  I did exactly what I planned to do and impressed a lot of people along the way.  I was well known and well liked.  On my last day I spent 3 hours saying “good bye” to all of my friends then walked out the door with a giant grin and skipped down the sidewalk like a little girl.  Why?  Teams.

As far as teams go, I was probably on the most positive, productive, and successful development team in the entire organization.  We got along, worked well together, and had a lot of fun.  But it still wasn’t enough for me.  The entire corporation had a negative attitude.  It didn’t matter if you were the best person for the job, politics mattered.  People were kept from their true potential because “that’s not how we do things here.”  Too many people were still living in the old ways and afraid to try new things.

My biggest pet peeve was the rampant negativity.  New ideas were quickly chastised for any sort of shortcoming.  There were numerous people who took it upon themselves to let you know of all sorts of flaws in your plan.  They were doing you a favor so you didn’t shoot yourself in the foot.  What they didn’t realize is how many projects never got started because of this.  If you’re trying something new and trying to figure it out as you go, it’s really hard to argue how you can handle some edge case.  Once you get there you could figure it out, but it’s already too late and your project is dead.  You didn’t know everything about anything before you started.

Without continuing, I can sum my feelings up by saying that although I was on an awesome team, the negativity, red tape, reluctance to change, and fear of new things from all those around us squashed our true potential.

The Lunch of Learning

The lunch with my soon-to-be coworkers was all about learning the personalities of the team-members and the team itself.  Right away I could tell the team was pretty successful.  There was no worry about recessions or job loss.  The team was growing, they had the best computers money could buy, and they were accomplishing more than anyone would expect.  Then I realized something really cool when I started to look at individual personalities.  Everyone was confident and happy and there wasn’t an ego in the group.  Although there was the top dog, everyone had the same amount of input.  Suggestions were openly given and received but no one really had to tell anyone what to do.  They would work on the area in which they were most proficient and took pride in the results.  They were looking forward to switching to new technologies and didn’t see all the “what if’s” as a problem.  They knew they could solve any problem and were never cautious about taking a first step.  I knew this was a team I had to join.

My first day I made changes to the product.  My team trusted that I would do a good job so no one had to spend a day just to review my work (imagine that!).  Two days later customers started to see my changes.

For 2 years I was beat down and forced to ask permission for every change.  If I found a problem I had to report it, and wait to find out if or when I could fix it.  Now if I’m working on something, I don’t let it go until I think it is right.  I can fix 6 other things that are only slightly related to my task.  No one has to know and they certainly wouldn’t mind.  I don’t have to wait for the committee that assembles Thursday afternoons to deem what is worthy of being fixed.  We’re striving for perfection and any problem is a problem that should disappear.  If I take the initiative then more power to me.  The strangest part is that I still don’t feel like I’m fully back to the real me, I still find myself compelled to ask, “Is it ok if I fix this too?”  It’s sad to think that for 2 years I was regularly told “no, it’s not ok.”  When one of the team members starts to get frustrated or down, the others will put their energy into bringing that person back up.  It’s almost like being on a sports team.  Maybe it’s supposed to be that way and that’s why they’re called “teams” in the first place?

In the end, this team produces something much much greater than anything we could come up with on our own.  Results seem to come together a lot faster and it all feels effortless because we trust:

1. Everyone else will do their best.
2. Everyone else’s results will end up being better than if I tried to do it in addition to my other tasks.

The Experience

If you’re on a team that just doesn’t seem to be full of effortless high achievers, pick up Wright’s book to see if you can mold your team into something great.  Even if you’re not a manager, his book can really help you change the personality of a team.  If your team is full of nay-sayers and can’t-doers, then its time to find a new team.

It is really hard to convey how it feels to be on a successful team, but it feels magical.  Each night I look forward to waking up so I can spend another day with my teammates.  Being on a team that helps you accomplish more than you ever thought possible will get you one step closer to infinite happiness.

My lawyer describes a come to jesus meeting like this:

You tell them to find Jesus and they probably tell you to go to hell.  But at least then you’ll know that everyone is on the same page.

When I recently found myself in a position where I needed to be on the giving end of one of these talks, I read this article by Jay Rollins where he explains what a come to jesus is meeting is really all about.  I needed some inspiration because I knew it was something I’m no good at.

The History

Historically I was always a well behaved individual and had a strong desire to please those around me.  Because I’d typically notice (and fix!) my bad behavior before it got too bad, I was never on the receiving end of one of these talks.  I’m also a relatively easy-going person and don’t let things get to me.  Unfortunately when the issues build up, I snap.  All of my ex girlfriends will probably back me up on this.  I’d let things continue to go bad in relationships right past the time for the come to jesus meeting.  By the time I snap, there is no saving of anything.  Things are over and I’m done.  The girl is left standing there, stunned because she never knew there was even a slight bit of discontent.  I know that isn’t healthy and I’m working on it…slowly.

I learned how to be a leader in Boy Scouts.  On one hand it was excellent because I had to learn how to lead boys that were just as qualified as I was.  They had no real reason to listen to me.  On the other hand, I had to develop a friendly leadership style where I got people to do their jobs by being kind and empathetic; bossing people around wouldn’t work as well.  In my first job where I was a manager, it was a while before I realized this didn’t work in real jobs.  The dynamic is different and these people are expecting a hard hand if they’re doing poorly.  No spankings mean they must be doing fine.  I had 2 employees that needed a come to jesus meeting that never got it.  At the end of the year they were quite surprised with their review.  All this time I seemed like their best friend even though I was deeply annoyed with their lack of effort.  I never gave them an opportunity to correct their behavior and succeed.

The Changes

Now I really see the benefit of a come to jesus meeting.  I strongly feel that most people want to do a good job at whatever it is they’re doing.  Sometimes they lose their motivation or just don’t realize their behavior is unacceptable.  Giving the talk to them will first shake them out of their rut.  They can wake up and realize that the path they’re on really isn’t the one that works.  It also helps you because the relationship can be saved; you might not have to fire them after-all.  Postponing the meeting only builds up your own resentment and decreases their likelihood of success.

A few days ago I witnessed my first firing of an employee.  I’ve heard stories of people getting fired and been through a couple layoffs, but I’ve never actually seen someone get fired.  It made me realize that I have some growing to do.  If my career path continues going where I want, I need to continue working on my ability to deliver strong criticism.

The guy who is working on my rental property has been regularly missing work and working shorter and shorter days.  After working late, I got home at midnight.  I went to the other house to check on things and nothing changed!  He failed to show up again; I was furious!  I’ve learned my pattern of passiveness and it was time to put a stop to it; it was time for the come to jesus meeting. I stopped by the next day during my lunch break to talk with him and he still hadn’t shown up.  I hung around for 15 minutes and he arrived as I was about to give up.  I dug as deep as I could and, honestly, I fell short.  He knows I was displeased but I did it with a smile because I felt bad for hurting him.  In the end I probably only conveyed 1/2 of the anger that I felt.  My talk will have some positive effects but I’m sure it won’t provide the 100% turn around I’m looking for.

To the Future

I realize that I still have some work to do but fortunately I have some people around me who are really good at it.  I’ll continue to watch them until I pick up the skill for myself.

A come to jesus meeting is very beneficial to all parties involved.  The receiver learns that he/she should start making course corrections and the giver can finally nix that annoying behavior.  Learning how to properly deliver a come to jesus meeting is one more step towards infinite happiness.

Just as a quick follow up.  It turns out that by switching my mindset and removing a large portion of my obligations, it pulled me out of my slump.  Today was the first day I felt like myself again.  I finished my project at work so quickly that I stared at it for another 30 minutes because it seemed too good to be true (I figured something must be broken).  All told, it still took 4 days to get out of the slump after I made a conscious decision.

Lessons Learned

1. Even after deciding to take control of one’s life, it will take time to get results.
2. Because of the way slumps slow us down, it takes a while to figure out how to break free…and sometimes even longer to realize you’re there in the first place.  Total Slump time for me: 2.5 weeks.
3. Although I figured out how to get out of this slump, there’s a good chance I’ll need to come up with something different next time.
4. It helps to tell those around you that you’re in a slump so they don’t get mad at you for just moping around all day.
5. A few days after wiping away all of the things that were pulling me apart, new opportunities have come up.  Typically I’d be excited but I’m trying to turn down as many as possible so I don’t overload myself as usual.
6. I have more confidence, so next time I’m in a slump I now know there’s a way for me to be in charge.

Three weeks ago I was on top of my game; I was unstoppable.  I was working until 1:30 in the morning and I was back up at 6:30 to work out.  I felt like a machine and nothing could slow me down.  And then, 2 Fridays ago, the slump came.  Like an old baseball player, I just couldn’t make contact with the ball.  My projects at work seem to be moving at a snail’s pace, my effort on the home business is rare and painful.  Even relaxing isn’t fun.  Scott H. Young hit home with me last week with his post when he simply wrote, “Slumps suck. You don’t feel motivated to work. You don’t enjoy your time off.”  For me it couldn’t have been closer to the truth.  I end up bouncing all around the house from one task to the next looking for something to catch my attention and I don’t finish anything.  Even the things I enjoy doing aren’t appealing.

What to do?

Historically I’ve had 2 different types of responses.  In my younger days I’d do absolutely nothing.  I’d just coast through life blaming those around me for my darkened mood.  Every day was a challenge.  Nothing was on the radio, no new news in my magazines, TV was full of infomercials,  and hardly anything was interesting. Eventually I’d snap out of it but it would take a big catalyst (new girlfriend perhaps?).  Since the big life events aren’t too frequent, and I had some pretty major ones a few months ago, I’m thinking I shouldn’t wait around for that.  Besides that’s too passive for my personality.

While I was working in the residence halls, my boss’s boss’s boss delivered a speech to all of us preparing us for opening day.  She said it will be a hard, long, and stressful day but we have to “fake it until we make it.”  Basically she was telling all of us to paint on a smile and not to let it disappear.  While finishing college and the first few years of the working world, I practiced that for everything.  I’d hit a slump here and there, but no one knew it.  I just stayed on autopilot pretending to be the person I demanded of myself.  The results were a little better than the old method.  When the slump was over, it was almost as if I had never stopped.  I was still closer to my goals and I didn’t have much catching up to do.  Unfortunately, it still took a big catalyst to break out of it.  So while I was more productive than watching a bunch of garbage on TV, it was still painful and boring.

There has to be a Better Way

My last slump was about a year ago.  It was also the shortest and best slump, ever!  I went into the slump and came out with enough energy that carried me until now.  What happened and what did I do?  When I was buying my first house, I set it up so that I would go to closing, have 2 weeks to get the house in a livable condition (it was in terrible shape), and then move in.  Unfortunately there were some delays with the seller and the closing happened on Thursday at 10am.  I had to be out of my apartment by 6pm Saturday.  I worked nearly around the clock trying to get the house ready and then I moved (with the help of some fantastic friends) that Saturday.  Around 3:30am on the first day of home repairs, I decided it was time to go back to my apartment and get some sleep.  I spent the previous 6 hours learning about plumbing (via trial and error) so I could turn the water back on and actually use a bathroom.  When I got there, exhausted, I checked my email.  I had an email from a friend asking me to do something on a website.  It just so happens that we discussed this particular thing 2 times already and I was very much against the idea; I felt it was a lot of effort and didn’t provide much of a reward if any.  I shot off a quick email that was not very kind that essentially said, “I’ve got bigger things to worry about”.  The reply I received the next day was very apologetic; yet, I felt terrible for overreacting.  I still apologize every time he brings it up.

It turns out that my “snapping” was the best thing that could have happened.  Because I was so stressed, I just removed all of my obligations.  I put in an honest 8 hours at work and then I came home to only tinker on my house.  I stopped taking freelance projects, discontinued my pursuit of being a life coach, and even stopped going to the gym.  Removing the burdens had a profound effect.  I worked hard but didn’t have any deadlines.  It was liberating!

If you looked at me 2 weeks ago, I was a disaster waiting to happen.  I was spinning 6 very heavy plates and didn’t have any extra energy for one of the usual bumps in the road.  All of the things that have been bugging me on the back of my mind like rolling over my 401(k), signing up for Cobra, and making sure my second house is ready on time are all out the window.  They’re not that important.  And they’re certainly not worth my happiness.  Tonight I am resetting my priorities.  I will go to work and do my best.  I will come home and work on my relationship with my fiancee.  If I have free time I will work on one of my websites.  That is it.  Even the house remodeling is going to chill for a bit.

Everyone Else

I’m different from most people. I tend to accept any project (part because I’m too confident, part because I’m a little dumb) so it’s natural that I need to reduce the amount of clutter in my head and planner.  Maybe you’re the opposite and actually need to go start a project then completely finish it? Essentially, break out of the slump by building your confidence or pride?  Next time you’re feeling blue, take a look at yourself and figure out if maybe you’re really in a slump.  Then put some hard thought into why you’re there.  If you can devise a plan to jump out of your next slump, you will have taken one more step towards infinite happiness.

I’m going to start this post with two well-known quotes from two highly quoted sources.

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right” -Henry Ford

“as a man thinks in his heart, so is he…” -Proverbs 23:6-7

Both of these tell us one thing: you are what you think.  If you’ve noticed this phenomenon, you’re shaking your head in agreement.  If you haven’t then you probably just didn’t realize it.  Do you ever remember saying, “I’m going to fail this test” and actually fail it?  Have you thought, “I’m going to hurt myself doing this” and end up needing a bandage?

It Goes Both Ways

Fortunately, the opposite, although less common, is also true.  If you tell yourself that you can do something, chances are you’ll succeed.  I first experienced the positive effects of this while I was an undergrad.  A friend who was 1 year ahead of me gave me some advice on a class called Discrete Structures that I was going to take next semester: “Everybody fails this class the first time and it’s ok.  You’ll take it a second time, get a ‘C’ and walk away happy.”  This really put me in a slump because I had a plan that didn’t involve repeating classes.  At first I thought, “well I’ll bust my hump and hope I can pass.”  After stewing a few weeks, my logical brain turned back on and my tune changed .  My mantra became, “Someone must get an A in this class, why can’t that somebody be me?”  Fast forward 8 months and I earned my A.  Notice that I stopped “hoping” and began “expecting”.  I expected myself to win.

A few years ago one of my friends ran the NY City Marathon.  Her body type is nothing like that of a typical distance runner and never ran until she started training.  Training in the Florida heat was brutal and time consuming.  She was a full time student, had a part-time job, and was married.  It seemed like it could have been a goal that slipped into distant memory, but she had the conviction that said, “I can do it”.  It was really hard on her and her positive determination was the only thing that pushed her across the finish line.  Again, she didn’t say, “I’ll try”, she said, “I bet you I will.”

Currently, the economy is looking pretty sour.  A lot of people are going to lose money and many are going to lose  more than that.  My thought is that in every recession or depression, a small group of people emerge from the pack with a running start.  They become the next set of leaders that help shape our country.  There’s no reason that I can’t be the person to end up on top.  Needless to say, I’m not worried about the drops in my 401(k) because I’m making my way to the gates and my running spikes are on.

Start Thinking

We all have the power within is to control how we live.  Spend a few minutes, weeks, or months to think of something that you can do.  It should be a bit of a long shot and not based on chance (you can’t think your way to a lotto win).  Once you decide what you can do, spend some time each day planting small seeds and you just might be impressed with what you pull off. Having the confidence to know you can set a lofty goal and reach it is one more step towards infinite happiness.

Scott H Young wrote an article about success and I tend to agree with him.  He claims that “success is lumpy”.  By that he means that you don’t become a little more successful each day, but it comes in jumps.  You don’t receive a pay raise of $1 every day, you receive one large raise when you change jobs or are recognized for outstanding work.

Consistency is Key

After accepting what Scott says, I feel that it’s really important to emphasize the results from doing small things each day.  Keeping your house clean is easy if you spend 5 minutes each night tidying after the day’s activities.  Starting a small business is easy if you work on it for just an hour each night.  It is really hard (nearly impossible?) to say, “today I want a multimillion dollar business” and actually make it happen that day. It took years of practice until I was able to date such a beautiful woman that I now call my fiancee.  When you talk to a really successful person, you’ll find that he or she kept doing little things each and every day.  Some day a break comes and those who consistently put forth effort will be poised to take advantage of the opportunity.

Every day we are all presented with opportunities to become wealthy or gain whatever it is that we want.  Unfortunately most of us aren’t experienced enough to take advantage of the opportunities.  Even worse, I know there are a lot of people out there who are so far away they can’t even see the chance present itself.

Did you ever kick yourself for missing an opportunity you had years ago?  We can’t change the past and we can’t see into the future when it comes time to make a decision.  The only thing we can do is gain experience to prepare ourselves to make better decisions.  Someone could come to me and say, “Chris, I’m opening a new hotel.  I need partners who are willing to invest $1 million.”  I’d have to turn it down.  I don’t have anywhere close to $1 million and know nothing about large real estate investments.  Now if someone said to me, “Chris I’m about to buy a foreclosure for $5,000.  I need a partner to go in 50/50 with me.”  By now I own two houses and have a little cash saved up.  I’m ready to buy the foreclosure today.  You can bet that in 10 years, if I find the same opportunity to purchase a hotel, I’ll not only have the money but I’ll have a lot more experience with real estate to help me make smart decisions.  Could you imagine if I bought a hotel today?  I’d probably run it into the ground because I don’t know a thing about managing that sort of asset.

Harvest

The fun part of success is when all of your seeds begin to sprout.  Eventually you’ll be so busy scooping up opportunities that you’ll consciously leave some behind.  Imagine if you were fresh out of college with so many job offers already that you decide to start canceling interviews for no other reason than that the company didn’t seem that into you.  How successful would you feel?  Limitless opportunities do find people for those who have made the opportunities happen.  Knowing you can pass on the good things because you already have too many great things is one more step towards infinite happiness.

The US was built on strength, courage, and a lot of sweat.  Somewhere between our remarkable beginnings and today, all of that has changed.  Rewind to the 20′s and you’ll find countless people who had a job and were proud to be employed.  These people poured out their souls for their employer.  One could argue that these folks gave too much with the frequently dangerous jobs (coal mining, logging, etc..) without OSHA to keep them safe.  Why was it so so common to work that hard in those days?  There was a better work ethic; people took pride in delivering stellar results regardless of their job function.  We even had folks like Henry Ford whose main goal was to provide greater service to his employees, community, and country.  Becoming wealthy was the gift he received for helping everyone else first.  You can read more about Ford in an attachment on Brigadier  General Greg Zanetti’s blog.

Fast forward to today.  You’ll find kids straight out of college demanding higher salaries just because they have some degree.  You’ll find people who only give 10% of their effort to their job; they feel their boss is lucky to get that much.  People are showing up later, taking longer lunches, browsing the internet more, and leaving earlier.  There is a new mentality where employees feel they are owed something just for showing up.  Even personal appearance is an afterthought.

Unfortunate Truths

I hate to think about it, but we’re all replaceable.  Even me, the guy who makes it a point to work a little harder than everyone else can get replaced.  I just started a new job.  I like to think my old colleagues were sad to see me leave, but they’re getting along just fine without me.

Believe it or not, most of us are paid what we are owed and we probably don’t deserve a giant raise.  There seems to be an expectation that a raise is warranted just because a year has passed.  While a small raise is necessary because of inflation, most people expect to beat inflation.  Next time someone complains that their company is underpaying them, remind this person that they are free to leave at any time.  If there are other companies out there that pay more for the same service, then he or she should change jobs.  If all of the other companies have similar benefits for that same position, then unfortunately that person is probably earning a fair wage.

A job is more like a symbiotic relationship.  Employees are supposed to provide value to a company and get rewarded for it.  Employees receive a fair and steady paycheck for honest effort.  It is a company’s responsibility to honor their side; unfortunately their job is not to make you rich.  If you want to be rich, you’re going to have to do more than work a job…but that’s a story for another day.

Continuing about salaries, the value of your reward will be lower than the value you provide.  It stinks to know you may provide your company with $60,000 in value but you’ll only get $40,000.  It seems unfair but that’s why we have companies in the first place. People usually start businesses with the hope of making lots of money; and unfortunately, tools you use eat into that money.  The bathroom around the corner, the light over your desk, and the pens your coworker took home are all a drain on a company’s revenue.  In the end, if you’re not giving $60,000 in value to your company then you’re costing them when you show up.  You’re shifting the burden to your coworkers who now support you.

Be Grateful

If you act as though you are happy to have your job, you will be surprised how much you can accomplish.  You will get more done in one day than your peers and your boss will notice.  Eventually you should expect a raise or certainly have some irrefutable evidence when asking for one.  When you go to your next job interview, you’ll be able to talk about all of the extra things you accomplished or the awards you have received which will make it more likely for you to get hired and paid even more.

Above all, remember that if entrepreneurs didn’t take chances to start companies then we would never have job opportunities in the first place.  Working hard is how we tell the owners of our company, “thank you for putting your money, time, and future on the line to start your company so I can have a consistent income to feed my family.”  If the consistent salary isn’t enough, we’re free to quit our job and start our own company.  Sound too scary?  Appreciate the sacrifices others have made.

When you shift your priority from saying, “when I  get more, I’ll do more” to “I’ll do more now because I know I’ll get a lot more later”, you’ll notice much faster results.  The first option is a passive approach and basically means you’re waiting for someone to take a chance on you and say, “if I pay this person a little more, I bet he/she would be grateful and work a little extra.”  Just like everything else in life, if you take the initiative and show your boss why you’re worth more than everyone else, your chance of getting that raise just went up.  As you gain a proven track record of keeping your boss happy, he or she will start to go out of their way to make sure you are happy.  Good employees are hard to find after all.  Developing a group of folks who have the mission to keep you happy (because they want to, not have to) is another step towards infinite happiness.

At least once a week I hear someone complain that our school system is bad.  Schools don’t teach our children real life skills.  I’ll politely argue that it has always been that way.  In the 20′s when my Grandfather was going to school and probably learning some of the same exact things they still teach today, I don’t think he was learning “real life skills”.  He was living on a farm.  Did school help him raise chickens?  Did school help him make cheese?  No.  That’s what his parents were for.  In this article I’ll focus on money because we’re in a recession and it’s important for the next generation to make sure this doesn’t happen again 70 years from today.

No secrets here

How can we teach our children about money if we can’t even talk about it?  If you’ve messed up financially, tell your kids what you did wrong.  If you’ve regretted missing an opportunity, tell them the story.  If they hear the narrative then they’ll be more likely to notice the warning signs and avoid disaster.  You don’t need to tell them what to do.  They’ll decide ‘what’ on their own so just show them the ‘how’ or ‘why’.

I purchased my first house much earlier than many of my peers.  When I was going through the process, I was in a book club with people much older than me who were impressed that I wasn’t scared at all.  But why would I be scared?  I knew every step of the process; I was involved when my parents bought and sold two of the houses we lived in.  I watched them negotiate with the realtor for the commission, get the house ready to sell, read through contracts and even watched a closing.  When I was sitting alone in the room with strangers and 1 inch worth of paper at my first closing, it didn’t matter that the only people I could call were currently outside of the country.  I knew what I was doing.

Lessons come from experience

While we can give stories, ultimatums, or demands, the real learning comes from real experiences.  So why not give your children some real experiences in an ideal bubble?  Let them learn the lessons before it means real trouble.  Do it when the pain they feel after losing $5 is equivalent to the pain you’d feel if you just lost $5 million.

A close friend of mine just finished reading The Millionaire Next Door.  The part that caught her attention the most was the discussion on the difference between children who grow into millionaires and the children of those millionaires.  Through the description, she changed the way she deals with her son.  He is only 4, so he certainly isn’t in a state to learn about options trading.  He is 4 so he was given 2 jars.  Every day he is given a nickel.  One day a nickel goes into the fun jar, the next day it goes into the savings jar. It’s a fun game to dig a shiny coin from mommy’s purse each morning  but he is learning that a little bit each day will turn into a considerable sum before you realize it.  Miniscule pains today turn into significant rewards tomorrow.

For Christmas, my grandmother gave two of my small cousins $20 and a promise.  She promised that they would come spend an entire weekend with her one at a time so they could decide how to spend their money.  The elder sister, Suzy, had her turn first.  She and Grandma spent a few hours in a store and Suzy really put a lot of thought into what she wanted most.  Once she picked the perfect set of trinkets, she and Grandma were off to spend the rest of the weekend having fun.  Next weekend it was Joey’s turn.  Within 15 minutes he knew what he wanted and spent every last cent.  Later they went to a baseball game.  Joey tells Grandma that he’d really like some ice cream.  Grandma asks him if he has any money left to buy some ice cream.  He shakes his head and says, “but I really want some.”  Grandma calmly replies, “well sorry buddy, how can you get some ice cream if you’ve already spent your money?”  Joey had to go without his ice cream and learned a good lesson in saving for the future unknown opportunities.

Become the teacher

You know your children better than anyone else, so only you can decide what they’re ready to learn.  If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, talk with some of your friends to see what they do.  Watching your kids grow into adults who won’t need a financial umbilical chord is another step towards infinite happiness.