Power to Change

Ever since I’ve been a teenager, I’ve been in control of my personality.  I always knew it was something I could change if I felt the need but I never thought about it until my mom mentioned it this weekend.  Apparently she and a coworker were talking about me and the coworker referred to me as an “old soul” because most people aren’t capable of doing what I do.  I’m not sure what it means to be an old soul, but maybe that’s why I got my first gray hair while I was still in high school?  I’m not some shape shifter-esque person in a Sci-fi movie; I have no special powers.  I strongly believe that anyone can choose to act, be, and do whatever they want.

Examples of Changes

When I was in high school, I went from being an annoying adolescent to a rather mature young adult.  For those around me, the change seemed to be overnight.  When I was a Junior, I started working with an engineering startup.  I was the 3rd employee and the other two people were the same age as my father.  Obviously I’m a big proponent of being thankful for your job, so I took it upon myself to fit in.   On top of that I was dating this really really cute girl who was in college.  I have no idea how I pulled that off but I was determined to not screw it up.  The usual antics of a 16 year old were of no interest to some serious business owners or a college girl.  Some people might say, “you should never change who you are”.  Well I changed the way I acted but not who I was.  I defined myself by the way I treated people and my ability to fix things.  The way I see it, acting like an adult, eating more salads, and drinking less sweet tea was a change for the better.

Once I started college, I took a personality test and scored as far as an introvert as one could be.  I was working on an engineering degree so I felt like it was an indicator of a smart decision.  But sophomore year I wanted to become a Resident Assistant in the residence halls (dorms, for the uninitiated).  Introverts were hired for the position but I still had to fight my tendency to be reclusive.  So again I shifted my personality.  To this day I’m still rather introverted, but I am able to easily approach people and can usually carry a conversation.

As I was starting graduate school, I noticed that I still wasn’t having much luck with the ladies.  I had the fortunate benefit of meeting someone who had had no problem attracting them and it brought about another personality shift.  I again changed my personality in such a way that I was much more successful at catching the eye of the opposite gender.  I went from being surprised when I actually got a girlfriend to being surprised if a girl wasn’t interested in me.  Sounds arrogant, I know…but it’s true.

How to Change

My power to change came from inside myself.  I was fortunate that I actually was born with the necessary tool to be in control.  Luckily for everyone else the tool is simple and just has to do with questions.  In each of the situations above, one day I sat down and looked at my life.  I thought about how my path really wasn’t the path I wanted to be on and made a decision to fix it.  The real power was in the questions I asked myself to illicit the change.  Some of my friends have had trouble getting jobs that weren’t a perfect fit for their personality or had trouble finding a mate.  The unfortunate thing is that their frequent response is just, “well that manager was an idiot”, or even worse, “those girls were just lesbians”.

If you take the advice from Kurt Wright in Breaking the Rules, you’ll realize that the solution isn’t in fixing some dumb manager or some girl who isn’t into men.  The question my crass friends would ask is, “what is wrong with those girls?” and it would lead them to their less intelligent answer.  When I found myself in the situation, the question I always ask is, “what would it take from me to get what I want?”  The funny thing is that when you ask that question, your mind will give you an answer.  If I asked, “what would it take to keep this cute older college girl around?”  The answer was to watch my weight and eat some vegetables on occasion.  When I would ask, “would would it take to score a new girlfriend?” my answer came to me.  What I realized was that I had to shift my personality so I was more attractive to the opposite sex.  Again, playing video games and eating Cheetos isn’t very interesting to most ladies.  Once I took an interest in clothes and renewed my interest in extreme sports, I found I had a lot more success.

Losing Yourself

Through all of this change, I’ve still never lost myself.  My interests have shifted countless times but who I am as a person has not.  If you identify yourself by some task or attribute then it will be really hard to change.  If I fought hard to keep my identity as an extreme introvert, because that’s who I was, I would have never landed that job.  The first step is to look at what you’re trying to accomplish.  If you’re accomplishing it then you have nothing to worry about.  If not, then step two is to figure out what you can change within yourself.  Step 3 is to reevaluate the goal and the necessary inner change an decide if you still want the results.  Step 4 is to make the actual change.  Once you gain the power to control yourself, you will find that you frequently get what you desire.  And being in control to fulfill your own desire is another step towards infinite happiness.

P.S. I’m certainly not encouraging you to temporarily deceive others so they think you are something you are not.  Don’t hide your love for Cheetos and World of Warcraft for some temporary gain.  If you still love those things then be honest with yourself and others.  Lying about who you are won’t get you too far.  I’m only advocating that you make these permanent changes as a means to improve yourself.  If you snag some extra benefits (better job) or find some extra encouragement (pretty girlfriend), no one will blame you.