Come to Jesus Meetings

My lawyer describes a come to jesus meeting like this:

You tell them to find Jesus and they probably tell you to go to hell.  But at least then you’ll know that everyone is on the same page.

When I recently found myself in a position where I needed to be on the giving end of one of these talks, I read this article by Jay Rollins where he explains what a come to jesus is meeting is really all about.  I needed some inspiration because I knew it was something I’m no good at.

The History

Historically I was always a well behaved individual and had a strong desire to please those around me.  Because I’d typically notice (and fix!) my bad behavior before it got too bad, I was never on the receiving end of one of these talks.  I’m also a relatively easy-going person and don’t let things get to me.  Unfortunately when the issues build up, I snap.  All of my ex girlfriends will probably back me up on this.  I’d let things continue to go bad in relationships right past the time for the come to jesus meeting.  By the time I snap, there is no saving of anything.  Things are over and I’m done.  The girl is left standing there, stunned because she never knew there was even a slight bit of discontent.  I know that isn’t healthy and I’m working on it…slowly.

I learned how to be a leader in Boy Scouts.  On one hand it was excellent because I had to learn how to lead boys that were just as qualified as I was.  They had no real reason to listen to me.  On the other hand, I had to develop a friendly leadership style where I got people to do their jobs by being kind and empathetic; bossing people around wouldn’t work as well.  In my first job where I was a manager, it was a while before I realized this didn’t work in real jobs.  The dynamic is different and these people are expecting a hard hand if they’re doing poorly.  No spankings mean they must be doing fine.  I had 2 employees that needed a come to jesus meeting that never got it.  At the end of the year they were quite surprised with their review.  All this time I seemed like their best friend even though I was deeply annoyed with their lack of effort.  I never gave them an opportunity to correct their behavior and succeed.

The Changes

Now I really see the benefit of a come to jesus meeting.  I strongly feel that most people want to do a good job at whatever it is they’re doing.  Sometimes they lose their motivation or just don’t realize their behavior is unacceptable.  Giving the talk to them will first shake them out of their rut.  They can wake up and realize that the path they’re on really isn’t the one that works.  It also helps you because the relationship can be saved; you might not have to fire them after-all.  Postponing the meeting only builds up your own resentment and decreases their likelihood of success.

A few days ago I witnessed my first firing of an employee.  I’ve heard stories of people getting fired and been through a couple layoffs, but I’ve never actually seen someone get fired.  It made me realize that I have some growing to do.  If my career path continues going where I want, I need to continue working on my ability to deliver strong criticism.

The guy who is working on my rental property has been regularly missing work and working shorter and shorter days.  After working late, I got home at midnight.  I went to the other house to check on things and nothing changed!  He failed to show up again; I was furious!  I’ve learned my pattern of passiveness and it was time to put a stop to it; it was time for the come to jesus meeting. I stopped by the next day during my lunch break to talk with him and he still hadn’t shown up.  I hung around for 15 minutes and he arrived as I was about to give up.  I dug as deep as I could and, honestly, I fell short.  He knows I was displeased but I did it with a smile because I felt bad for hurting him.  In the end I probably only conveyed 1/2 of the anger that I felt.  My talk will have some positive effects but I’m sure it won’t provide the 100% turn around I’m looking for.

To the Future

I realize that I still have some work to do but fortunately I have some people around me who are really good at it.  I’ll continue to watch them until I pick up the skill for myself.

A come to jesus meeting is very beneficial to all parties involved.  The receiver learns that he/she should start making course corrections and the giver can finally nix that annoying behavior.  Learning how to properly deliver a come to jesus meeting is one more step towards infinite happiness.